(2562 quotes found)
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time”
Friedrich Nietzsche
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm.”
George Carlin
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones
“Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"”
Annie Dillard
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
Stephen Wright
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.”
Ethel Barrymore
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.”
A. A. Milne
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
Oscar Wilde
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler
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