(2149 quotes found)
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler
“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.”
Josh Groban
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.”
Ethel Barrymore
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
Tre Cool
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
Stephen Wright
“Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
“I speak two languages, Body and English.”
Mae West
“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"”
Annie Dillard
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
Albert Einstein
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